Sickness CH. 6

With the type of life he led, Clark Kent had always had to be very sure of who he was. Keeping half of your existence a secret from nearly everyone you knew was no easy task, and every minute you ran the risk of losing a piece of your real self to the lie you fabricated to show all of those around you. He was well familiar with the concept, and so had forced himself to examine his own existence, to carefully file away every fact about himself and make sure that he never lost touch with who he was. And he had thought he had done a pretty good job of it, too--up until this point.

The words were the truth, one hundred percent--he was sure of that. Even as he said it he could see the truth of it with perfect clarity, everything falling into place like so many puzzle pieces. He was in love with Brainiac 5, had been for only God knew how long, had always hoped that Brainy would--or even could--return the sentiment. But now that the words were out there, hanging in the thick air between them that was crackling with electricity and the near-release of all their tension, and Clark realized that maybe he hadn't known himself as well as he had thought.

After all, he never would have guessed that he would fall for another man. Somehow the subject had never come up in all of his introspective categorization.

The silence was becoming unbearable, stifling, Clark thought, the flannelette shirt with three buttons undone already still feeling as though it would choke him. He swallowed, hard, his eyes still staring intently into Brainy's even as his thoughts whirled. He had to say something, to do something--they couldn't just sit there, like this, forever--but what? What did you say after you and one of your closest, dearest friends confessed your love for each other?

"I..." he began, at the same time that the still-stoic Brainiac 5 spoke.

"I believe the normal progression of events would have us engage in some sort of kiss at this point," he offered matter-of-factly. Clark's eyes widened, and he almost withdrew his hand away from Brainy's face.

Brainiac 5 was anything but stoic, anything but matter-of-fact. While the silence didn't affect him with quite so much discomfort as it did Clark, he was still totally unsure of what should happen next. At the same time that his friend was engaged in his inner dialogue, Brainy had been running through his research, trying to determine just what came next. And, of course, when the obvious answer presented itself, he had nearly frozen in fear.

Kiss Superman? He wanted nothing more, not at this particular moment. There was so much information, data to be gathered, analyzed and stored. This kissing, this physical interaction between humans--it was so ingrained into humanity that to understand it, to experience it first hand, would be to gain an incredible insight into the humanity that had drawn him away from the security of the Hive Mind in the first place--and that was a bunch of rubbish. He wanted to kiss Superman because he wanted to feel the other close to him, to feel those arms around him and those lips on his sensitive skin, to be encased in that strength and warmth, because being so near to Superman was making all the aches and the pains go away and making him feel happier than he ever had before. Superman was like a drug, and Brainiac 5 wanted more.

But to actually do so? He was frozen in place, the lingering threat of rejection still hanging over his shoulder, that maybe Superman would snap out of it and push him away. Not to mention, he had no idea how to initiate such a thing, or whether it was apt in this situation, and it just seemed like it would be easier in the long run to just make the suggestion and let Superman take the lead.

Easier said than done, he supposed, as he couldn't even find the voice to ask, as much as he wanted to. So while Clark was wrestling with the idea that he might actually like men, Brainy was trying to find the best way to ask Superman in a polite, non-pushy, undesperate, but irrefutable way to kiss him. And the best thing he could come up with was the cold, clinical sentence he had just uttered.

For what seemed like the millionth time in this short period, Clark found himself stunned by Brainy's words, struck dumb and speechless. Surprise after surprise was rolling off of the Coluan's tongue, repeatedly slamming Clark over the head like a ten foot giant holding a tree trunk, until he was in a complete and utter stupor. As he actually processed Brainy's...suggestion, a blush rose into his cheeks, coloring them faintly, and he did actually pull away, his hand falling off of the other's jaw.

Brainiac 5 felt the separation keenly, and his heart gave a powerful wrench. Unwilling to part so easily, not wanting to let go of the feelings he was having, he grabbed wildly for Superman's hand, grasping it between both of his own and holding it tightly. Superman looked down in surprise at their clasped fingers, then up at Brainy's face.

Those features were contorted, twisted into shapes they were unused to, and it was obviously straining the Coluan to force his face into the expression, trying to hard to convey his inner emotions through it, needing Superman to see his need on terms that the human could understand. Clark didn't think he had ever seen such a complex, powerful look on a human face--a wicked combination of sadness, desperation, fear, anxiety, and yet, indeterminate joy lurking behind those once-again-tearfilled eyes.

"Please, Superman...kiss me?" Brainy whispered, his voice breaking as he clung to the only thing connecting them, Clark's hand. His violet eyes searched Clark's face, hoping while barely daring to hope.

When Superman leaned forward to softly, tentatively, brush his lips over his friend's, turning his hand so that their fingers were intertwined as the kiss deepened, Brainiac 5 thought that he might overload with the power of the physical and emotional sensations. One hand clung to Superman's shirt, fisting a handful of the soft material in his fingers, pulling him closer as he was himself swept away in an uncontrollable swell.

Clark thought his own heart might burst.